There are moments when I catch myself about to label my feelings as too much. I am overreacting. I am being dramatic. I need to calm down.

That thought usually shows up fast, almost automatic. It can feel like a reflex I learned a long time ago. A way to shut the door on my emotions before anyone else can. But the more I sit with it, the more I realize something important.

Most of the time, I am not overreacting.
I am reacting to something real.

And when I slow down long enough to ask what is underneath the reaction, I usually find clarity, not chaos. I find meaning, not madness. I find a need that has been waiting for my attention.

This is the pause I want to invite you into today.

Why This Phrase Shows Up So Often

The phrase “I am overreacting” does not come from nowhere. It grows inside environments where emotions were inconvenient, ignored, or punished. Many of us learned early that big feelings made people uncomfortable. So we adapted. We minimized. We got quiet. We smiled through things that hurt.

Sometimes it was family.
Sometimes it was school.
Sometimes it was the workplace.
Sometimes it was relationships where our emotions were treated like an interruption instead of a truth.

Over time, we internalize that voice. We start policing ourselves before someone else can. We call it self-awareness, but it is often self-abandonment.

So when a strong emotion rises, we do not ask what it needs. We ask whether it is allowed.

The truth is, feelings do not need permission to exist. They already exist.
The only question is whether we will listen.

A Reaction Is Not The Same As A Problem

I have learned to separate two things in my mind.

A reaction is information.
A problem is something we decide a reaction means.

When I cry quickly, that does not mean I am weak.
When I get angry, that does not mean I am unsafe.
When I feel overwhelmed, that does not mean I am failing.

It means something important is happening inside me.

Emotions are signals from the nervous system. They point toward what matters, what hurts, what feels threatening, what feels tender, and what needs attention. If I dismiss the signal too fast, I lose the chance to understand myself.

So instead of asking “Why am I like this?” I now ask a better question.

“What is this reaction trying to protect in me?”

Four Questions I Ask Before I Judge Myself

When I feel the urge to say “I am overreacting,” I pause and ask four grounding questions. These questions have changed the way I treat myself. They help me move from shame into curiosity.

1. Have I Been Holding This In For Too Long

Sometimes the intensity of my emotion is not only about the moment in front of me. It is about the months behind me.

When feelings are postponed, they do not disappear. They stack. They gather. They become heavier with time.

I think about people who keep going while exhausted. People who keep showing up while hurting. People who stay silent just to survive. Eventually, something small breaks the surface and it looks like an overreaction. But really it is a long delayed release.

If I have been “fine” for too long, the nervous system will eventually demand honesty.

So I ask myself:

• What have I not said

• What have I been carrying quietly

• What emotion did I never give space to feel

Often, that question reveals why my heart feels so full.

2. Has Anyone Been Invalidating My Feelings

Invalidation is one of the quickest ways to make a person doubt their inner world. It shows up in small phrases that sound harmless but land heavy.

“You are too sensitive.”
“You are making a big deal out of nothing.”
“You always take things the wrong way.”
“You should be grateful.”

After enough of those messages, the mind begins to distrust the body. We stop believing our reactions. We shrink them. We second-guess ourselves instead of checking in with ourselves.

So when a feeling spikes, I ask:

• Has my experience been dismissed lately

• Has someone been telling me I should not feel what I feel

• Am I reacting to the moment or to being dismissed again

Sometimes the pain is not only what happened.
It is what was denied.

3. Am I Carrying Someone Else’s Expectations

Many of us were trained to be manageable. To be easy to love. To stay agreeable. To not need too much. Especially if we were praised for being the calm one, the helpful one, the strong one.

But when I live under someone else’s expectations, my emotions become inconvenient to me.

If I feel guilty for having needs, it is because I was taught that my needs were too much.

So I ask:

• Who taught me that this emotion is wrong

• What version of me am I trying to perform right now

• What would happen if I let myself be fully human

Sometimes I am not overreacting.
I am finally refusing to shrink.

4. Have I Had Time To Regulate

I cannot ignore the state of my body.

When I am tired, running on caffeine, skipping meals, overloaded with work, or pushing through grief, my ability to regulate drops. That is physiology, not failure.

In those moments, emotional reactions come faster because the nervous system is already stretched thin. It is not a weakness. It is a body asking for care.

So I ask:

• Am I depleted right now

• Have I been resting enough

• What does my body need before I evaluate anything else

Sometimes the most compassionate response is not analysis.
It is a nap.
A meal.
A pause.
A breath.

What I Want You To Hear Clearly

Your feelings are valid.

You do not need to shrink them to be understood.
You do not need to apologize for having them.
You do not need to earn the right to feel.

If you are reacting strongly, it is not proof that you are broken. It is proof that something inside you matters.

The goal is not to stop feeling.
The goal is to understand what the feeling is saying.

Because when you listen, you gain self-trust.
And self-trust is one of the deepest forms of healing.

A Gentle Practice For This Week

Here is something I do when I feel overwhelmed by my own emotions.

1. I name the feeling without judging it.
   “I feel hurt.”
   “I feel angry.”
   “I feel afraid.”
   “I feel disappointed.”

2. I locate it in my body.
   Chest, throat, stomach, shoulders, jaw.
   This helps me stay present instead of spinning mentally.

3. I ask one of these questions:

   • What is this feeling trying to protect

   • What boundary has been crossed

   • What truth have I been avoiding

   • What need is asking to be met

4. I choose one small act of care.
   Not a grand solution. A small step.
   Water. A walk. Journaling. A message to someone safe. Five minutes of stillness.

Feelings move faster when they feel safe.
Even five minutes of attention can shift the whole inner climate.

If You Have Been Calling Yourself Too Much

I want to speak to the part of you that learned to self-silence.

You are not too emotional.
You are not too sensitive.
You are not asking for too much by feeling deeply.

You are a human being with a nervous system that remembers.
You are someone whose body keeps the receipts.
You are someone who deserves compassion, not criticism, when your emotions rise.

The more you honor your inner signals, the less you will fear them.

And the more space you give yourself to be real, the less you will need to call your reality an overreaction.

Before I say “I am overreacting,” I pause. I ask what I am truly responding to. Most of the time, I find a story that deserves care, not shame.

You deserve that same tenderness.

If you want more gentle tools to support your emotional awareness, nervous system care, and quiet burnout prevention, download my free guide, The Healers Reset:
https://www.drcarmy.com/the-healers-reset

 Your feelings are not the problem.
Ignoring them is what keeps the pain alive.